The Good Girl

New Blog

2007-12-17T11:41:00.000+08:00

I now have a new blog, the final and official one: Beryllism
I am also deleting the doodle blog since I'm too lazy to write my stories, as always.
I'm keeping this one for future reference, but this would be my last post in this blog in a long long time.

Happy Holidays everyone!

It's One of Those Days

2007-12-13T11:56:00.000+08:00

There are just some days where you can't pinpoint where it went all wrong. Today is one of those days.

From my grandfather's sermons and tirades on cleaning the house, to my not being in the mood to apply for a job even if I need one, to the uneasiness of being outside of the house because the people there are just not the ones I want to be with right now.

Hay.

****

I'm going to work on my new blog for now.

Starting Anew

2007-12-12T10:09:00.000+08:00

I want to start a new blog for next year. This time it'll be final and real and organize. I love this blog, and I'm proud that I've managed to keep it for as long as I had. But I really want to start a new one so I can have my friends and family visit it. One of the my 2008 resolutions is to try to reach out more to my paternal relatives. I'm turning 20 next year. The big TWO ZERO thing makes me feel old and stressed out; it makes me feel like I've wasted two decades of my life doing nothing really.

So I want to start a new one. I've been looking at skins over at blogskins.com since Monday, only since I'm using the free Internet in the lib, I'm not able to upload the skins I like to try on my new blog, which is still empty. I plan to write my first entry next year.

I think I'll try LJ. I never did get how it worked. I've been through Xanga and blogdrive. Blogspot is cool, but I'm kinda bored with it.

*****

Off for now.

Colds and Surveys

2007-12-07T11:42:00.000+08:00

It's so freaking cold here in the library! I already have a nasty cold, to top it all of!

I did something really stupid today --- I didn't go to class. Eek. I went straight to the Internet Station, having this crazy idea of looking for other survey sites that I can try to earn extra bucks. I still haven't found any. I also signed up for sites that pay bloggers who write reviews. Now I need to make my blog more accessible to people, which I have no idea how.

I'm tired.

Belly Dancing and Surveys

2007-12-05T11:39:00.000+08:00

I signed up for the alternative class, belly dancing with my old major mates. We were taught how to isolate our body parts from one another, i.e. the neck from the rest of the body, the chest, the hips, even the arms. It was a good excercise. I would love to do it again, if I had the money to pay for a class. The woman who taught us, Ms. Gemma, was actually a doctor. She was thin and well-built, but she told us that she already has two kids of her own. Super hindi halata. I'm inspired to try this further. I guess I'll just add it to my things to do before I turn 25 list for now.

******

I'm trying to get some information for a part time job or anyway that I can earn extra cash to spend. TeenTalk has been very helpful. I just signed up to A.W. Surveys. I'm still trying to grasp the concept of PayPal though. We'll see.

******

Twenty days for Christmas. I want to ask Mama for a new pair of school shoes before they go, but I just can't bring myself to do so. Mom and Papa talked a couple of days ago, and Mom said we should try to be more malambing to our grandparents, since that's what they are only looking for. I might be able to push myself to do it before the nineteenth. Hopefully.

******

The TeenTalkers' Christmas EB at Food Express, Gateway, Cubao is next Saturday, December 15. Details are still unclear for now. I hope I can go, but Papa and Mama might have plans to do with us before they leave for the States. Hmm...

******

I'm gonna answer more surveys to earn. Need money desperately. Huhu.

A Piece of Me

2007-12-01T15:25:00.000+08:00

I'm so loving this new Britney song. It's blunt, it's catchy, it mentions the Philippines and its pure Britney. No matter how crazy her life is, I still can't help but love her. I grew up listening to her songs, memorizing every lyrics without giving much effort. Although I do admit, as I grew older I realized that her songs aren't really her own. She didn't write them herself, not like Avril or Kelly. But she still remains as the pop teen that had made me dance and sing to her songs. No one can change that.

*****

I didn't go to the job fair last Thursday, opting to stay at home and clean the house. I don't know why I didn't go. I guess, tinamad lang talaga ako. Now I'm paying the price. I took 3T from my saving, 2T for mom's expenses till the next pay day. I have to budget the 1T I have now, or else. Baka bumili na din kami ng bagong cellphone kasi yung phone ni mommy nagloloko na. I'd be giving her the one I just bought a month ago (N 2210) so I can buy a camera phone na. I'm thinking of getting the same as Papa's, kasi simple lang siya. But I'd still look for something cheaper, kasi yung 10T na maiiwan dapat hindi na magalaw pa. I really need a job. It's so frustrating, having nothing to do. Ito ngang rent na ito tinitipid ko pa. Hay!

*****
From TeenTalk: HOW BAD IS YOUR TEMPER?

LEO JULY 22 – AUGUST 21

If anyone has total control over their emotions, it is you. But then, you can be described as stiff, cold and uncaring. You are known to lack spontaneity but you really don’t care about opinions. You don’t like to create scenes and will never accept invitations to a party where you suspect the presence of an unruly lot. But your very presence seems challenging to some and they take vicarious pleasure in your disquiet. When angry you can use critical language. A dressing-down can humiliate your opponent, causing a strain between both of you forever.

*****

It's such a beautiful day, no use in dwelling in things I have no control with. So I'm off to TeenTalk for now. Later.

Coming Home

2007-11-28T11:51:00.000+08:00

These past few months I have been avoiding anything religious.

I guess I'm just too ashamed to face God, because I know I don't deserve Him. I may be a good girl in the outside, but there's a lot of things people don't know or see (or would want to see) that's going on inside me. I don't go to church as much as I know I should, and when I have no choice but to go to mass I don't fall in line to get the Eucharist. I don't pray as much as I should, I don't talk about God. I've had this blog for almost a year now, but I can honestly say that this is my first entry about my dying faith.

I still believe. It's just that I'm ashamed and guilty and yet I can't do anything about that. I don't want to. And it's scary because I know at the end of it all I'd have to face the music.

I don't know how to get back to Him. I need some deep soul searching. Good thing walang pasok sa Friday.

*****

I went to ICT Riverbanks yesterday, and passed my resume. The original plan was to pass it to ACA, a video renting shop just walking distance from my house. But when I got there, they were still closed so I decided to go to ICT. It took me about five hours or so before I got out. I was put in the waiting list for part time employees. Wala pa kasing opening ngayon. I honestly feel good that wala since I don't want to go back to a call center again, even if it is the only industry that undergrads like me are in demand, in the moment.

Mom did pass my resume to ACA, though.

I'd be going to a job fair tomorrow at Riverbanks. We'll see.

*****

It was raining hard last night. Sarap matulog!

*****

I want to start writing again to post in my oodling blog. And post it in TeenTalk.
Hmm...

****

I'm thinking of alibis so I could avoid going to the airport when Mama and Papa leaves for the States. I do not want to go the airport. Too many sad memories. Hmm...

****

I need to go home. I'll be getting quick lunch (PIZZA!) sa Recto. Later.

A Few More Days

2007-11-26T11:44:00.000+08:00

For a few more days, my grandparents will be staying with us, but come December 19, six days before Christmas, they'd be off home to Virgina, U.S.A. I can't help but feel relieved and excited that finally, finally I can do as I please without having to console/ please them. They're not that hard to be with, its just that its different with them here. We had a family meeting yesterday, with Papa reminding us to take care of the house as it is most probable that we (me and Boji) might inherit it someday...

Oh well, it's been a long vacation for them, mostly relaxing and enjoying being home, visiting relatives and friends. They were originally scheduled to go by January, but because of Tito Mike and Tita Alelie's sudden decision to get a divorce, they asked for an earlier flight out. It works for me since I've been wondering how are we supposed to spend the holidays --- with them or with mom's siblings in Manila? Now, I don't have to wonder.

Anyway, Boji texted me thru a friend's cellphone, saying we'd meet here in the lib. He doesn't have any money, since mom got annoyed at him earlier. Long story short, hindi siya binigyan ng baon. He's probably going to ask me to treat him to lunch or something. I might just have to touch my technically untouchable savings in BDO. Oh well. I plan to apply for a job in ACA, or Jollibee, by tomorrow. I don't think I want to go back to a call center, for now anyway.

Back to my beloved baby brother... He decided to quit his ROTC training saying that he's missing his 'civillian life'. He's already a fourth class officer, but I guess he's realized that he's not actually enjoying his first year in college with all the responsibilities of being an officer on his shoulders. It's just sad though. He's gone through a lot in his training, but I guess he's got what he needed in that experience. We'll see.

******

Back to TeenTalk after two years! Woohoo!
Visit my Thread!

*****

No classes on Friday. Bonifacio Day! Wee!!!

Breaking the Stereotype

2007-11-23T12:48:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I am suddenly being defensive by how I look. Probably because of the countless stares and unexpected reactions from strangers and friends, as the effect of my brand new look. I had my hair cut short last nigh, with a long bangs framing my face in the right side. I look boyish, like a rocker or a punk, but I'm neither. I'm just me.

I like my new hair. I asked Gee to specifically do this because I want to look edgy, different and comfortable because, duh, I live in a tropical country and I had inherited the sweaty gene from one of my parents that even if I do have short hair, I still get sweaty.

With that said I feel really scared and hurt and over all BAD in all those times that I stereotyped/ judged/ commented/ insulted a person behind their back about the way they look, talk, act, et cetera. It's just a bad feeling, knowing that you are being watched and looked over and dissected.

So now I promise myself to watch without judging. I'm not going to let this new attention scare me off from being who I am. I know who I am and I like me. I don't need to justify myself to people. Nor do I have to justify it to myself. Perhaps the reason why I am writing this now is because I am judging myself. No one has yet to comment anything to my face (and those who say things behind my back are just not worth my time). I am still me, just a little different. Then again, I've always been different, at least from my standpoint. I don't conform. After years of wanting to be part of something and completely forgetting about myself, I've learned that I can't please everyone. I don't need to either.

As long as I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, I'm happy. So I can live, and I'd let live.

*****

My beloved brother is on hyperdrive today. Tc little bro!

*****

I watched "Enchanted" yesterday at the Eastwood Cinema. Kakaiba ang sinehan doon, sosyal! I decided to use my prepaid movie pass since I won't be going back there for a long time to come and it was only good till December 23. I had finished doing my exit clearance and would probably ask for my certificate of employment sometime next month or come January since it is the holidays already.

"Enchanted" is a story about a fairy tale princess named Giselle (played by "The Wedding Crashers" AMY ADAMS) who met and was set to wed Prince Edward ("X-men"'s JAMES MARSDEN) . Meanwhile, the Prince's evil stepmother, Queen Narrisa (played by SUSAN SARANDON) is watching over them and in fear of losing her crown, she turns into a hag and tricks Giselle, pushing her into a well that leads her to the "real world", that is Manhattan. In the city, Giselle meets the hunky divorce lawyer Robert (Grey's McDreamy PATRICK DEMPSEY), whom she reminds of the existence/ possibility of a happily ever after.

I loved the movie from start to finish. The songs, the actors, the production. The story, even if it isn't so original, was good too. It was as if Disney was making a spoof of their own, while still making it as magical and amazing as it does to little girls (and boys). Amy Adams was amazing; a true Disney princess come to life.

I recommend this movie to anyone who is tired to thinking about work, school, problems, money, terrorism, and even being single because it reminds you, there is a happily ever after waiting for you there... somewhere. A five star feel good movie. Go Pip! Chipmunks rule!

******

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY's new movie, "Atonement" and "The National Treasure: The Book of Secrets" were featured in the trailer. Yee, can't wait!

Book Two of Maging Sino Ka Man showing December 10! Proud to be Kapamilya!

Eureka!

2007-11-21T13:08:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah I did it again! I found this awesome lay out in blogskins.com and I love it. I thought I wouldn't be able to get it since I had absolutely no idea on how to "host" the image then I saw in the html code that it was just in photobucket. I've had an account there for as long as I can remember so now I am actually using this lay out with making someone's bandwith suffer. Hurrah for me!

Seriously, I am glad with this lay out. I don't think I'd be changing it for a long long time. I also changed my blog's name to The Good Girl which fits. I'm going to try to make my own header image. Would have to look for Photoshop and review the things Ma'am Vindollo taught us two semesters ago.

I am already suffering from a terrible headache; it has been three days since I told this to mom. I am not complaining anymore, at least not to her, because for sure she'd make me stop renting or staying after class to use my internet privelages. This is my only addiction, my saviour of sanity, so I don't want to lose it.

Besides, I know why I am having headaches. It's my eyes. And no its over exposure with the computer, because I had worked 8 hrs for 5 days in front of a pc and that didn't make me have a headache. No, I think I need to wear glasses already. We'd have to check it out this weekend.

*****

I went to Libis as I mentioned in my previous post (look down). What I failed to mention is my fear that I won't be able to get anything from my last pay because I need to pay for the missing headset (almost 5T) and the remaining "balance" with my training bond (almost 8T). That's 13T if you do the math and they will take that from my last pay (I'm not sure if they can touch my commission though). Argh. The good thing about this, and yes there is a silver lining, is that I can now apply to a part time job once I get all my paper work done. I can't wait. Would be going back tomorrow to get all the sigs over with.

*****

It's been three hours since I got here. I think I'm just going to play with TeenTalk some more then off home. I can't wait to get a job. Then again, I better enjoy this freedom while it lasts.

Diamond Wedding

2007-11-20T12:49:00.000+08:00

Diamond Wedding

Andrew Motion

Love found a voice and spoke two names aloud -
two private names, though breezed through public air -
and joined them in a life where duty spoke
in languages their tenderness could share,

A life remote from ours because it asked
each day, each action to be kept in view,
and yet familiar in the trust it placed
in human hearts, in hearts remaining true.

The years stacked up and as their weight increased
they pressed the stone of time to diamond,
immortal-mortal in its brilliant strength,
a jewel of earth where lightnings correspond.

Now every facet holds a picture-glimpse;
In some, the family faces and the chance
for ordinary talk and what-comes-next;
in others, shows of pomp and circumstance.

And here, today, the diamond proves itself
as something of our own yet not our
own -
a blaze of trust, the oneness made of two;
the ornament and lodestar of the crown.

This is the poem read by Dame Judi Dench for Queen Elizabeth II and the Duke of Edinburgh's 60th Wedding Anniversary. Sixty years... whoa!

*****

I thinking of changing my blog template and name again because I'm bored. I just don't want to go home yet. We'll see.

*****

I went to Libis today and got my clearance almost done. I need to go back either tomorrow or Thursday to get the final sigs. It's funny how different the world of Libis and the world of UST can be. I feel like I have split lives. Hmm... Not in the mood to be too deep. Later na lang.

Doing Something

2007-11-19T12:33:00.000+08:00

I am looking for ways to make use of this blog in a more useful way. Of course, it is primarily for my own enjoyment, writing my thoughts and opinions on particular topics and events in my life. But I want to do more, give more. I may be just an insignificant college junior in the middle of the Philippines, but the Internet has become so powerful and I believe that I must maximize the chance to do something meaninful to make a change in my own simple way.

We only live once, so I suggest we do the most of it.
Do something in saving the world.
It is for our own good.

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SAVE THE DOLPHINS!
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YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL CONTEST
(Donate to the RJA Foundation and win $1000!)

*****

I am going to look for more ways into making use of my blog to make a small difference, but a difference nonetheless. But for now, I need to head home. I'm going to eTel tomorrow to fix my paperwork and clearance. Then off to look for a part time job. I've been enjoying more than two weeks of freedom, being jobless. It's time to work by ass off. Again.

Note to self: Need to set up Christmas decorations ASAP.
*****

Happy Holidays y'all!!!

I've Never Been

2007-11-18T17:13:00.000+08:00

In the past nineteen years of my existence in this world, I've been a lot of things --- some permanently, some artificially and some I wish would either be permanently or just for the moment.

For example, I'm going to be the eldest sister, the eldest cousin, the eldest grandchild on both sides, and yes there were times that I daydreamed of having an older sister or brother, but generally, I like being the leader, by birth right.

I was also Paula Obmerga's best friend way back in second grade. Together with Aliza Reyes, Kamille Lecio, and Kirsty Garcia, we completed the dangerous group of nine-year olds called "PBA Double K" (Actually, we never really called ourselves that. My mom created it for fun...) who would kick the bags of the boys in our class as a form of revenge. We'd usually do this during recess and lunch time, so no one would know and we'd kick the hell out of those poor bags, while cursing our heads off. It was a liberating experience, although I must admit that there was a time that I thought my being a "bad girl" had caused my dad's death. Stupid, I know. Anyway, Paula and I 'broke off' our friendship when she chose Sherry and Mary Joyce over me. The rest of the group just didn't stick, probably because after that summer, nothing was the same for me... The Summer of 1998. It's a completely different story.

Moving on, there are somethings that I am right now, that I wish would change. The one thing I can think off now is the fact that I'd be an orphan for the rest of my life, with my dad gone. I can't change that, much as I want to. In this case, something I want turns to be not necessarily something I need, or so fate or God or whatever Higher Being there is watching over me, thinks so.

Speaking of faith, I am currently 'unsure' of mine. I believe in God; I know He exists. I just don't feel like I completely trust in Him. Too many questions, too many heartaches, I guess. Hopefully, I can get back on track, although I doubt it'll be happenning soon enough.

All these, and many more, define me and my being, either for forever or just for the meantime. But one big thing, at least from where I see it, that I've never been, is to be someone's girlfriend, in the true sense of the word.

Heck I don't even know what it truly means, or entails. The duties of a good girlfriend and all that. I don't know the feeling, although I've been hurt, before.

I like to think that Ranel Keyser wasn't a mistake, although I did think of him that way, because of the hurt. I was like a walking rock, feeling hollow and empty and in daze. I wasn't enjoying the moment, and that was just not me. My dad's sudden death had taught me never to take the moment for granted, ever. But because of the embarrasment, the disappointment, of not being cared for in return was too much for my young heart, I was just... nothing. Sometimes I wonder how I got through it. I really don't remember. Nevertheless, I thank God I'm through with that.

There's no real reason why I'm still single. I just don't see the point on crying over something I really do not want, not just for the sake of having it, so I can say that I had. I didn't wait this long to just get a fling, or a meaningless relationship. I deserve better.

I want to think that all these time, all these waiting had been for my own good and for that person who'd be my first love. I'd like to believe that relationships, the serious kind, is not a matter of completing someone, rather complementing that person's, er, shortcomings. Or maybe the words should be 'missing features', things that he might not be so good in, and vice versa. It's important for me to remember that I have been a complete person before I met him, so if I do lose him, I wouldn't be losing myself as well. I know, it's idealistic of me, Miss No BF since Birth, but then again, at least I know what I want, right? And think it means a lot of sense.

I've been waiting my whole life for him, and I surely can and would wait to get the quality guy that I know is waiting for me as I am for him. It really isn't about the quantity, but the effort that you give into the relationship that you have. Like for instance, I have a number of friends that I completely trust with my life. They may be few, but at least I know what I have with them is long lasting. At least I hope so.

Yes, I've never been someone's girlfriend. But that doesn't mean I will never be.

*****

Welcome to the Christian World Carlito Flores, my first ever inaanak!

Make your Ninang proud!

*****

I saw him today. He looked good. Diane and Mae, my new, ahem, kumares, were all for his older cousin, so I had him for myself. Wonder if he's single? I wonder if he remembers our childish games in the canteen during lunch. I wonder if I was that obvious that I had crush on him, and what that knowledge made him feel... Too many questions, so little time...

To my former service mate, my street mate, my kinakapatid (I think)...

To WP, my lifelong crush.

*****

"One More Chance" starring Bea Alonzo and John Lloyd Cruz, NOW SHOWING!
Para sa mga in love, na in- love at gusto ma in love... RATE: 3 laughs, 4 hearts = 5 stars

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!

*****

DISCLAIMER: The names mentioned in this article are of real people in my life. Their existence had made me who I am today, so if there were some negativity in my choice of words, I apologize. I mean no negativity on their being and I am actually thankful for them.

Bored

2007-11-16T12:47:00.000+08:00

I feel like trying something new, something different. A week ago, I think, a relative made a comment about Boji joining the PNP, just because Mama and Papa told him that Boji wants to join the PMA. For my brother, the two are very different, with the former being a tad bit negative. Anyways, the idea of joining the PNP made me think. What if I do that? So I checked their website, and found out that I'd have to wait two more years to be able to pass the application. Oh well. I'm just being my impeteous self.

I went to rent PC even after spending way too much during lunch, because I got the orders incorrect. I just want to relax, play a bit and not think about the things I need to do namely:

laundry - I'll do this later.
review for Q#1 in Theology on Monday.
get my clearance
get my paycheck - It turns out that I need to be cleared first to get it. Hay.
get my patch embroidered (Php170!!!)
count the money I have left for next week
make the final copy of my biodata/ resume
get my id back so I wont have to rent PC anymore
get a part time job

No I don't want to think about that now. So am off to Neopets to enjoy myself...

Spiced Up

2007-11-15T17:33:00.000+08:00

Thirty minutes left. I wasn't planning anything when I went to rent PC today, just a chance to relax and enjoy myself. I'm trying not to be too alarmed that my pay hasn't come through yet and it's already the 15th. I should have my pay today, and I need it, badly, but for whatever reason my account is still empty.It is very alarming. I'm gonna check again before I go home.

Anyway, in my attempt to forget my problem for the mean time, I played with youtube and got into researching the history of the Spice Girls. I remembered, I was in my elementary days then and they were so hot, that I onced sang "Who Do U Think U R" with some of the kids in the village when Mayor BF came to LCV. I think he gave us 100 each. Hmm.
I love that they are reunited and I love their new song and I love that they are now full grown women--- mothers --- and yet they still make beautiful music together. I told mom that if ever they get to visit the Philippines, I'll make sure I'm there.

Anyway, I'm so spiced up, I think I'm going to modify my Friendster and put the girls in the background....

Pissed

2007-11-13T16:38:00.000+08:00

Nandito ako ngayon sa suki kong rent shop. Tuesday so walang pasok. Went to Libis earlier to get my clearance. Hindi pala siya ganoon kadali. Madami pang kailangan gawin. Shit.

*****

ID was confiscated yesterday, because my new uniform doesn't have a crest as it should. Which is why I am renting PC instead of enjoying my free Internet in the lib. SHIT.

*****

Pinapabayaran ng lolo kong kuripot ang kuryente, at 1T lang daw ang share niya, even if THEY are the ones using ac all night, every night. Since mom's paycheck wouldn't be coming out by Thursday (as mine), I would have to either get the saved money for my bank account OR withdraw directly from that account, which I do not want to do. SHIT SHIT.

*****

Saw Chelle yesterday. Had lunch at KFC. Found out how nasty the people I thought were my friends truly were. SHIT HEADS.

*****

Money is slowly fading. I'm terrified. I don't think I can bear being poor again. Need a job asap. WAH.

*****

i NEED a BREAK.

Out of Sync

2007-11-09T11:34:00.000+08:00

Hanggang maari iniiwasan kong sumulat sa Filipino. Mas sanay ako na mag-English, malamang dahil sa mga sumusunod:

Lahat ng binabasa ko ay English.
Halos lahat ng pinapanood ko ay English. (American TV shows).

Hindi naman sa ikinahihiya ko ang sarili kong wika, talagang hindi lang ako sanay. Nahihirapan akong magsalita ng Filipino ng hindi nagbabangit ng salitang English. I think they call it codemixing or codeswitching. As much as possible I avoid doing that, and I get annoyed by "kolehiyalas" who actively speak in the 'taglish' form. Kung magTatagalog ka, magTagalog ka na nang maayos! I'd rather hear someone having a jumpy English, or Kalabaw English as some refer to it. At least they are giving effort in speaking in the second languange. Hindi mo man maiiwasan maghalo ng Filipino at English, pero huwag mo naman sadyain dahil lang iniisip mo na cute ka, kasi hindi.

*****

I deleted all my accounts in TeenTalk, partly because both of them had been stagnant since I signed up and partly because I do not feel like I still belong in that bracket. Sure I'm only nineteen, but the topics that I would like to talk about aren't something "kids" (i.e. ages 12- 17) would be interested in or know anything about, for that matter.

So now I'm signing up in GIRLTalk, which is in femalenetwork.com. My UN is simply my first name. Hopefully I'd get to meet cyberbuddies in this new forum of mine.

+ A little bit history: I've been a TeenTalker since I was 14. Been on and off in posting. I also have an inactive account in witchmag.com.ph. I can't delete it since I can't remember the password and I have no time in getting to it. Oh well. +

******

Mom and I had a disagreement earlier. There are times that I just can't stand her and her not-so-smart questions. I'm not goint to divulge the whole conversation, I'm just going to say that it ended up me walking off and not getting my breakfast. I've eaten now, with Mimi, Aileen and their co-majors. I'll be off home by 1 PM so I have like 30mins left. She hasn't texted me and I'm not planning to text her either. And that's that.

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I feel like I'm a stranger amongst my former co-majors. I feel out of sync with them, like we didn't have a complete year together. I'm more comfortable with Mimi and the other Science majors. I guess I'm just feeling this because I am again stuck with no plan in the future. All my plans are for the long-term: graduating, passing the board, getting a job, teaching for at least five yrs in a high school, taking my masteral to become a professor and so on. What I'm going to do next semester, I have no idea.

******

Okay so its raining outside according to RX. I'm listening to radio on my cellphone, while blogging my afternoon away in the Internet Station in UST Lib. I think the reason why my fingers hurt because I write and type so much...

******

My brother has been absent for two days, second day today. He'd been suffering from headache and sore throat since Wednesday. I'm not sure how this would affect his ROTC training (he's a 2nd lt already) and he's need to get Math101 this semester. Well see.

******

I'm going to post my life story. Wala lang, gusto ko lang.

I borrowed Coraline by Neil Gaiman. Started reading it yesterday, but was too busy taking care of my brother. Will write my review soon.

The Road to Hell

2007-11-07T13:42:00.000+08:00

Your sin has been measured. You have committed many sins, but Pride is the mortal sin that has done you in. Just below, discover your full sinful breakdown and learn what it is about you that codemns you to hell.

Greed:	High
Gluttony:	High
Wrath:	High
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Very High
Lust:	High
Pride:	Very High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

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Okay so I'm not sure how this would help me become a better person, but hey its fun. Pinoyblogger.com has a lot of blogs that has a lot of add ons. Since my blog looks a tad bit boring, maybe add ons can make it more... interesting. Haha.

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Better get going.

At Last

2007-11-07T13:00:00.000+08:00

At Last I am back to school, in safe confines of my, ahem, second home. Pardon me from sounding cheesy, but I just feel so me again. For a few months this year I felt like I was losing my sense of identity but being a student had always made me feel in control.

At Last my blog is in full force again. A new cool lay out that I had modified. One day I'd be able to make my own template but for the meantime, my thanks to BlogSkins.com for hosting talented template creators.

At Last I am doing something I really really want to do.

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I'm just waiting for the library assistants to call on me and tell me that I've exceeded my one-hour privelage. They rarely do that here in the Social Science department, unless there's a lot of students piling up to use the PC. Wala namang nakapila but you never know.

Fang Mi, Aileen and some of their co-majors accompanied me to an early lunch, late breakfast today at Ate Eva's. I had tapa, but I guess its not enough because I feel hungry again. I've been in the library for three hours now, my class ending at ten. I don't want to go home yet, since I wouldn't have school tomorrow anyway. The plan was to go to ICT tomorrow to get my interview, but Chelle, who I saw today with my former co-majors (They are bound to graduate earlier than me since I am going to be still, a year late.) told me it's better to get my clearance first. So off to Libis tomorrow, I guess. We'll see.

I'm done with the first HW I've had since I stopped last semester, in PGC. Thankfully, Mimi's bf has a copy of the textbook my professor will be using, so I can borrow that. Saves me some bucks.

I'm thinking of getting Taco Bell... better let my hunger spread out more, so that burrito wouldn't make me feel like I'm about to burst. I'm not sure if I have the budget though. I'm trying to go back to the 100/day system I'd been used too since high school. Gonna be a bit difficult though.

Truth be told I am missing my job. I miss the surprises, the great feeling of being able to help person who's on the other side of the globe. But I'm glad its all over. I hated the feeling of not wanting to get up even after I had 8 hours of sleep or more. I only had less than 6 hours today but I was so eager to get up and go to school. See the difference? And I do not miss the feeling of counting every passing minute of my "freedom". Thank God I'm done with that.

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School is the same, yet its different. A number of times in my life I've felt like this, like the familiar is still the same yet some parts of it isn't that familiar anymore. I'm not yet so sure if that's a good thing. But then again, mom always says that change makes it more colorful, more enjoyable. Again, we'll see.

I've already met some of my new classmates in the two subjects I took. In SCL 3 the prof was a no show, so I chatted up PE major Jo (who was the one who actually approached me) and the shifter boys, Jelo and Rico. Jelo, I remembered, was my classmate in Social Dance. He was really good. He's from CFAD, now a BSE freshman, planning to major in English. Rico was from Commerce, planning to major in Science. Hopefully, being an irregular student would make it easier with them around...

In the other class Mimi introduced me to her PE friend Danielle. I think she's shy. I did meet Andrew, a FT sophomore. I also found out that my former EJ ka- department Ivana, is in the same class. So at least I'm not all alone.

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I need to talk to Chelle. Some things need to be explained to me...

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I think blogger.com just shut down... Oh now. Sayang naman itong post na ito!

I hate myself.

2007-11-06T17:00:00.000+08:00

Actually I hate Firefox. I hate that they have tabs so when you accidentally close a whole page, who also close all the other applications that you've been working on for over two hours now! Argh!
For some reason my blog template now, wouldn't work. I love it but it wouldn't open so I went to blogskins.com, which is great, and I'm taking the highest rated one since its cool. I' already modified it and now I need to do it all over again because of this stupid program.

I've been out of the house renting PC for over three hours now, I think. Mama and Papa are at home, snoozing. I had to spend the early part of today with them, making me realize that they are old. Ha.

I now only have 30 minutes to save myself. Maybe I can just upload the template code here and do all this again tomorrow in the UST Library, where Internet is free. Hmm. Maybe I should've thought of that earlier. Oh well. Need to email mom my resume.

Later.

Five Minutes

2007-11-01T07:22:00.000+08:00

Now I rarely write two entries on the same day, but today has proved to be too long. I'm still at work, with five minutes left with my lunch break. I didn't eat lunch since I'm not starving and since I was planning to get some shut eye, which I didn't do and haven't done for over 12 hours now. I so so wish I'm anywhere else but here. But no choice. I need to stay here for two more days after this shift. Admittedly I am contemplating not going in this Saturday, once everything is settled with my paperwork. We'll see.

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Been reading J. Moore's novel. It's keeping me awake, at the same time sleepy.

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I need to talk to TL. I just haven't gotten the chance. Note to self: Check account balance later to see if I can treat my teammates tomorrow. Most of them would be going on off on Saturday.

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My eyes are already dropping...

Keyword: Hopefully

2007-11-01T00:44:00.000+08:00

It's quarter to 1 in the morning and I'm already at the office. I came in a early than usual para hindi na atakihin ng katam... katamaran. I plan to get some shut eye after posting even for just two hours. Hopefully there'd be a VTO or something since it is Halloween in the US.

Anyways, my stupid Outlook isn't working, being bombarded with over a hundred emails which isn't actually surprising since I've been absent for six days straight. I really need to check my email to get updated since I still have until Saturday to get my butt to work. After that, F-R-E-E-D-O-M!

Things to do before Saturday:

Write farewell email for wavemates, teammates et al.
Get work clearance. *Would have to ask TL how to go about that.
Enjoy my last days of being an RCI Guide. Hopefully in these last days I can be at least a little bit productive, if not for me but for my team's sake. We can always hope...

I am really looking forward in ending my stay here in eTelecare. I loved it while it lasted, but I'm done. Wala ng makakapag-alis sa akin ng mga alaala ko sa kumpanyang ito, but I miss school so much to the point that I am hating my job, which isn't how I want to end my stay here. The people I've met, the things I've learned, the mere experience of being a call center agent --- these have all been a great, GREAT gift that no one can ever take away from me... Now, forgive me from sounding sappy. I'm just not that good in ending chapters. Particularly short-lived ones.

After Saturday, I wouldn't have to wake up in the middle of the night to get ready for work. I wouldn't have to be eating "lunch" when normal people are just about to get their breakfast. Being nocturnal has been 'fun', but I found out that it just isn't for me. Now, I might get another call center job, but only this time it'll only be for part time. Since I only have 2 subjects this semester (since my beloved grandfather only gave me 10T to get myself enrolled) I have time to get a job, or two, depending on my luck and attitude. Wish me luck...

School starts Nov. 6 but since my classes are only MWF, 8-10 AM, I have a really long awaiting me after my last shift ends. Hay.. bliss.

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I miss Dawn and Toni. I wish they were still here. We were the tight trio from the beginning. They made my sudden transition from being a studious pupil into a full time working girl much much easier, and a heck of an adventure. I haven't seen Toni since we had our lunch in Fazoli's. (Note: Mom and I ate late dinner there earlier. Too bad they were out of the Bacon Cheeseburger pizza, the one that I wanted mom to taste. Oh well.)

Dawn and I had a serious talk the last Friday she came in. Then, I was urging her to come to work for her trial, but I guess even then I knew that she wouldn't be coming in. I have no idea what her plans are. Our situations are very different.

These two people I plan to keep in touch with for sure.

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It's precisely 1.06 AM. I'm sleepy. Been reading the novel I impulsively bought from NBS. Jane Moore's "Love @ First Site". Would have to remember to write a review when I'm done.

Two more days of this and I'm out. Better make it memorable, at least.

Going AWOL

2007-10-25T12:49:00.000+08:00

I'm in my mom's office right now in the Philippine Ports Authority head office. The people here are snoozing off the after, and I'm taking the chance to get some free blogging time. I didn't go to work today, obviously. I practically begged mom not to make me go. But she said that since this is my first job, it would be much better if I made a polite exit. So I called TL and asked her if I can go about getting an immidiate resignation. My job will be over and done with by November 1, All Soul's Day. I'm not sure if I'd still be going to work then, since the enrollment will be on the 30 to the 31st of this month. Boji's will be this Sunday, the 29th. Papa would be withdrawing a huge chunk of cash this weekend..
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Speaking of my beloved grandfather, he erupted today when the paperwork about the house couldn't be found. Mom says he was just acting it; nevertheless, it made me a bit jumpy. I am not used to a man yelling. Boji can be harsh sometimes, but when we fight, I'm usually the one who is shouting. And mom, well, she's the only parent I was able to see really angry. And it wasn't a good sight.
Mom cried out of frustration. She isn't feeling well, having helped Boji get the stuff he needs for their event today. Table setting something? He's about to be inducted as an officer... The trainees are now just three (starting from the original 27 hopefuls) and my baby brother is acting as their leader. He celebrated his birthday yesterday with the nonstop downpour and a long list of to-do.
I'm just glad he's taking on his responsibilities much more focused.
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I'd be going to UST after this, after I wake mom up. I need to process my returning this sem, then I'd have to go home and get some sleep so I can go to work tomorrow and present the letter of resignation to TL. I'd go from there I guess.
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Five more days and I'd be free from my first job... However productive and helpful it had been, financially and socially-speaking, I'm glad I'm done... Schoolwork! I'm back!!!

Jumble

2007-10-24T12:05:00.000+08:00

A lot of stuff needs to be written and I only have a limited amount of time. It feels as if I'm on a major turning point in my young life again. I guess I am just being my dramatic self. But really, there's a lot of changes that is about to happen. And weirdly enough, these changes will bring me back to what was normal for me, before I ever started earning money and being an "adult".

But before I go on let me start from the beginning... (My writer's soul just can't go on telling a story without being organized with the deets.)

Fang Mi, Aileen and I met up last Monday in SM San Lazaro and went on to watch "Stardust" starring Claire Danes, Robert DeNiro, Michelle Pfieffer and newcomer Charlie Cox who is btw, so hot. I've read the original book version written by Neil Gaiman, and I loved how magical it was and yet it was realistic. It was human and adult even if it was filled with magic. I'm grateful that stories like it still exist --- makes me remember that getting old doesn't have to be synonymous to losing faith in magic and fairytales. I highly recommend the movie, whether or not you've read the book (although it would be better to read it first then watch it, but it's up to you...)

As usual, the time I've spent with my friends seemed just too short. I missed them, I missed schoolwork, I missed school life.. and I hated my job.

I just couldn't bear it so I confided with my brother (who is actually celebrating his 17th birthday today!) and he suggested that I should just go back. So I talked with mom and my grandparents, who'd be the major source of money for my and Boj's tuition fee and now I've just gotten back from UST. I'd be going back tomorrow after work for more info on going about enrolling a semester late. It'd be a challenge to be an irregular student, but at least I'm only irregular because I stopped to help in the finances. I take pride that in the last six months I've been productive.

I already told my TL about my plans of ending my eTelecare days. My contract ends November 8, and I'm resigning November 10. Problem is, school starts November 5, so I have no idea how I'd manage them both. Oh well. One step at a time. I'm already absent today. I'd probably be absent next Tuesday for enrollment. Hay.

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Even if I know it'll be a lot of work, I'm excited to go back to "normal". I can't wait. I'm actually tempted on going AWOL like Toni and Dawn, who didn't show up yesterday for her trial. Hay. But I already told my TL that I don't want a bad record with eTel. Besides if I'm going to take a part time job while in school, I'd also be using the six months experience I had with eTel as a reference. So I would have to juggle school and work for the next few more days.

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Aside from all these life decisions, I found out the answer of this big ugly question I had since my dad died. It surprised me and at the same time made me realize that God never meant to hurt me. In fact, He had protected me. I just wished I knew. I just wished I could've taken care of my dad as well...

Cryptic enough? ;p

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I'm gonna go and play with my profile in Friendster again. Probably would visit Neopets as well. Take care.

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I wonder why people seem to be changing as they grow older... for example, before she never liked getting her picture taken... and now I see her with her new best friend, and even if I'm happy for her (truly I am), I can't help but get hurt... and wonder... *sigh

The Old and the New

2007-10-21T17:28:00.000+08:00

I was contemplating on deleting my blog in Blogspot, but then I realized that I've been using it since December last year, so it would just be a waste of cyber "space" to just delete it. So I'm still undecided if I'm going to keep both accounts and paste the same posts on both. Hmmm.
The reason why I never liked Friendster blogs is because there's no freedom in making it your own. And I didn't learn the basics of HTML for nothing, y'know! Also, before when I had to go to UST library to get my daily dose of Internet use, Friendster is blocked. So I could only blog using the usual blog sites. LJ never worked for me. Too many steps before the main blogging part. Blogdrive, before was just boring. They have new things there now. Xanga was also boring, but the rings were fun. Diaryland is for kids, although it is cute. So Blogspot or Blogger was the best option. It is the longest running blog that I had, even if I haven't posted on it for more than a month now, having set up my blog in Friendster.
It doesn't matter to me if my blog's being read or not. This is my stress-buster, not my way of getting attention. I can get that easily, haha. Seriously, I just don't know if I can maintain both blogs at the same time. And now that I've just played with my Blogger template, I'm leaning into keeping that one instead.
Oh well. Abangan ang susunod na kabanata.
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I went to work last night from 11 PM to 6 AM to help out in the Workstation Warlah decorations. 5K's at stake and TL Mitch is hoping we could win so we could use it for a team outing or something. I think we're the most creative team, and everyone would agree that we deserve an A for the effort. I love that I'm getting the chance to be creative. I'm sooo bored with my job. Once again I'm caught in the web of something I need (ie MONEY) and something I want (ie GO BACK TO SCHOOL, among other things). Anyways, final touches should be made by tonight, which is why I was willing to give up one of my nights off. On Tuesday, the OMs would be doing the judging and TL would pull me out of the phone (yey!) to do the presentation. Oh, and btw, our new team name is MAUI. I made grass skirts for dolls and tress from cups and straws. It should be from recycleable materials, although many teams opted to buy theirs... Hmm.
Now, Tuesday would be a BIG Day. Aside from the Warlah Judging, it is also Dawn's judgment day. A little dramatic there I know, but I'm scared for her --- and for me. If they (whoever they will be) decide not to give Dawn a second chance, she'd be gone. And I wouldn't have anyone left. Toni already went on AWOL after just two months. I'm not sure if I can stay for 6 more months alone. Cross fingers.
Lastly, Tuesday might be the early birthday celebration for my brother's 17th birthday. Dunno what's gonna happen. *shrugs.

I'm also going to UST tomorrow. Yey!
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Less than an hour more for me. I'm gonna play with my profile now, and I think I'm gonna watch Britney's performance in VMA. Delayed info...
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I don't go to church but I would like to pray for the souls of the departed on the 1019's bombing of G2. I've never even been there. God lead their souls, and also the ones they have left behind....