On Being a Grown Up

One word friends --- it's excruciating. To be a grown up means A LOT of things, while meaning one single thing all at the same time. Being a "grown up" means being biologically ready to well, procreate. Being a "grown up" would also being being responsible to what you, well, create. Being a "grown up" also means being ready to take challenges that will, eventually, help you progress in the future. It would also mean that you have to face the consequences of your actions if ever you fail.

It's all excruciatingly challenging, the freedom and the restraints of being a full-fledge, ahem, woman.

Not that I'm complaining. I take pride that at 18/ 19 I'm earning my own money. It's just that there are times that I miss being the kid. I miss not having to do anything else than complain about school projects and quizzes and worrying about my baon for the day, if its enough for me to get home... I miss it and then I get this weird feeling of, OMG, contentment. Because, truth be told, I like where I am now. I wouldn't stay if I didn't. And it makes me scared that being content, familiarizing with the ropes of this world I am now in, because of a sudden change of plans last summer, that I might not be able to go back to my original destination.

Well, where I thought I was supposed to be in the end anyway.

When I think about being a teacher, I get all warm and homey and safe. I know its what I'm meant to be. Financially speaking, yeah, this job is very, very productive. Yet I just don't get that feeling of triumph in it. Not yet.

I guess thinking that I might, in the long run, get there is what's scaring me. I'm not sure that if I do get there, would that mean that I'm not going to that other road I've always thought that is for me?

Complications... nothing but complications, Beryl. Way to go have yourself a headache!

♥

It's Friday thank God and I'm on VTO. Third time this week which, I am hoping, would save me from having such a low production this week.

♥

I'm going to UST later this afternoon to treat Rochelle, Gefreliz, Fang Mi, Aileen, Javi, and Lloyd and Oliver (if they come) to lunch at KFC, as a belated celebration of my 19th birthday last Monday, and as an advance celebration of Ai's 19th tomorrow and Chelle's 20th on Sunday. Hoping to get destressed when I see my friends. The last time I was there, I got all teary-eyed for missing school. Perhaps this is what I need to get a better perspective on what I truly want to do with my life... *cross fingers*

♥

It's funny. When I was 12 I was so sure what I will do... I'm going to meet the boy of my dreams whose name is Brandon and he'll be perfect... He and I will graduate and get our jobs and get married and he will propose to me by the beach and he'll be my first everything...

Now, at 19, I'm not sure if Brandon still exists, if he ever truly did... I'm not sure if I'll ever graduate and get a real job, one that I would love... I'm not sure if anyone, if not Brandon, would ever see me... All I know is that I'm filled with questions... Wondering when will I get them answered...

♥

Bought Witch 63 yesterday!

It's Php95 already!

OMG!

Love Irma and Joel though... ;p