Petics Galore!!!

You are pretty emo. You understand the deep thought-provoking stylings of Brand New and can appreciate the words "The quiet things that no one ever knows". You probably have thick weezer glasses as well as a messenger bag to carry all your music and unsent love notes in. Last but not least, you have tight, tight pants.

AreYouEmo.com

Change

For whatever reason, I feel as if I need some major makeover. It's been a month since I started working and it really feels... empowering. I found out that I already got my pay in my account and that also feels really good. Even if I know that money is merely a thing, it feels great to be secure because I have it.

I deleted my previous account in Teentalk, and created a new one --- beryllium. I'm hoping that this time aroudn I can get true friends in the forum, and still be able to have some mature gabbing sessions with teens my age. As much as possible, I want to enjoy my being a "kid". Working has taught me a lot of them, and one of them is that when you start being part of the work force, it would make you someone responsible of your own doings, of your own life.

That's scary. Especially if you do it so suddenly, take that turn and turn back from the road you were SOOOO sure was what you wanted. Then you'd try to at least make yourself believe that at the end of this cross road you'd be able to find your way back to that road you wanted.

But what happens if you don't?

The answer may sound simple --- you look for a new road. But saying it is far easier than actually doing it.

And off ago ranting about my life. Drama overload anyone?

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We're not doing anything right now, just watching some old DVD, although no one is actually watching it. Everyone's taking the chance to use the free Internet. Have I mentioned that I love this job? LOL

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I got a lot of compliments today because of how I look, but still I feel as if I'm looking and waiting for something that not only can not be found, but does not actually exist... :'c

Beauty Queens and Politics

I watched Miss Universe 2007 yesterday partly in ABS- CBN 2, partly in Starworld 48. The latter had announced the winner in advance, but that's only because of the endless commercial breaks in the previous. I really thought Miss Korea looked fantastic, and I really liked Ms. Tennessee Rachel Smith AKA Miss USA. But I guess Miss Japan deserved it; she was really confident and all that (although I am, up to now, still trying to understand the connection to her answer from the winning question).

I'm glad that Ms. Philippines won Ms. Photogenic. She looked really hot. Overall, I'm proud to say that I am Asian; Ms. China also banked Ms. Congeniality (although am not so sure if she knows what that really means) so Asian women really made a mark partly.

It's just sad that the Mexicans booed Ms. USA just because of that stupid immigration law. I guess I can understand where they are coming from, but I don't believe that Ms. Universe Pageant is the right place to voice out their opinions. The pageant is for the upholding of the beautiful aspects of different and differing nations, with the women as their representatives. It is not Ms. USA's fault if her country's lawmakers are making life hellish for the people who contribute to their society.

Just a thought anyway.

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Am at work right now, and should be logging out by now. I've given eight hours of work already, but I want to hear my feedbacks from the coach. I believe my SD2 is better than my first, although I still forgot some important points.

I'm kinda sleepy right now... never been one to pull an all-nighter... It's also a bit disappointing that I'm not getting lucky with the guys I want to get to know and I'm kind of jealous because a friend is getting what I want... Story of my life.

I'm so tired. Would've to go home afterwards, and maybe go to Sta. Lucia before I go to work later at 10PM again.

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Going Home

I watched Jordin win American Idol 2007. Got a bit teary eyed for her, even if I was all for Blake. Hopefully, they both become successful artists.

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Still at work. Just got off my shift. Mom wants me to be home before 3 PM. I've already practicing renewing and all that. Tomorrow's shift starts 10 PM so hurray for the 30 % night diff. I can go and process my requirements in the morning, at last. Pay day is on Thursday, which is a bit of a disappointment because I was expecting it to be on Wednesday. The money Tito Ed sent came in handy and just in time. Mom only gave me 70 pesos today. She doesn't know Tito Ed has been sending money and this is the third time I got it. It's the first time I got it from Boj. Usually he sends 2T, but Boj said he only got 1T. Oh well. I can buy WITCH 60 at last.

*****

Worried over my ear. Not sure how much would the sassy Borrough's Medical Clinic will take from me.

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Off to home now.

*****

To buy:

1. Post its for chi cheats.
2. WITCH 60
3. black ball pen

Role Play

"Thank you for calling RCI. This is Beryl. May I have your nine digit account number please?"

NOSEBLEED --- that's the best Pinoy colloqual term that fits the program I am trying to learn and get eventually. My new friend Toni and I are currently having our practice roleplay; I'm the member and he's the guide (NOTE: We don't call ourselves agents. Sophistication issues). Later on we'd change place. We'll have our first SA next week, so I have to be sure I pass that. Or else.

I'd rather get in this account, no matter how complicated it is, because at least I wouldn't go dumb here. The program is actually the one complicated; there's a lot of things to remember. I just have to make sure that I can carry a good conversation while doing something else. Multi-tasking and all that.

I'm having a hard time communicating with my other Wave mates partly because of the age gap thing and partly because of my ear thing. There's a clog of some sort inside my ear and it's like there's a muffler inside my ears. I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it yet. So in a way I am also playing a role totally opposite of myself: the submissive me that I've long ago buried together with all the high school drama I successfully lived through, Thank God!

It's too bad that I'm like this right now. Just when I have this person who I really would want to get to know, and I can't because BECAUSE I CAN'T FREAKING HEAR!!!

Then again its not like he, or anyone else, would be interested in me... be it the submissive me or the other me...

Theme Song?

This song fits me right now... Too bad the person I'd be seeing this to remains the faceless dream guy...

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Way Back Into Love Lyrics

Ive been living with a shadow over head
Ive been sleepin with a cloud above my bed
Ive been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just cant seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just incase I ever need them again someday
Ive been setting aside time,to clear a little space in the cornners of my mind

CHORUS
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
ohh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
Ive been searching but I just dont see the signs
I know that its out there
Theres got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody to get me through the night
I could use some direction, and I'm open to your suggestions

CHORUS
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
and If I open my heart again
I guess Im hopin you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I dont know if its real
or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
and If I open my heart to you
Im hopin you'll show me what to do
and if you help me to start again
you know that I'll be there for u in the end

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Impacted Cerumen

OMG!!! I would have to spend money just so I can keep my job... just because of my stupid earwax who'd dried up and stayed inside my ears even when they should come out! ARGH!


Working girl petics... looooove it!!!

Treading on Dangerous Waters

I don't know why it is so difficult for me to find my place within my waive mates. BTW, that's what we call each other instead of "classmates" because, duh, we ain't in a class. I'm part of Waive 18. (The number is starting to become the number of the year for me...)

The call center industry, as far as I am concerned, is the most complex of all. (This coming from a girl who has no other work experience except from "freelance tutoring" that lasted from 3 days to a week + one day.) From age gaps to varying "ways of living", the 25 people I'm bound to be (stuck) with within the next five weeks (starting Monday) are so diverse its overwhelming. And of them, I know and like only 2. And that's only because only Toni and Dawn are the people I don't feel scared to be with.

Don't even ask me why I'm scared to be with people. I don't know what I would say. Perhaps, and this is a really big perhaps, I am just tired of spilling my guts to people after all the days of trying to sell myself to employers.

Aside from wallowing in self-pity for not having an existing love life, and being scared to be with people so diverse and different from me, I am also busy with stopping myself from thinking of the things I can buy with my money come payday. It's a dangerous thing --- to "count your chickens before they hatch" --- and once again, I am scared.

I need to stop doing all of the three. I don't know where I should start but I'll get there.


Wherever there is.

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**************************

At Work

I've learned these past few weeks that life can never be lived in a straight line, at least not in the way I thought it would be. I've decided to take action for me, and now the freedom simultaneously makes me feel liberated and scared.

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Mom has been so great, as she had been all my life. Tomorrow's Mothers' Day and it's also her birthday. Although I am working now, I still wouldn't be able to buy her anything. I plan to make amends at the end of the month by giving her half of my first paycheck. Hopefully it'd be enough to let her know that I am very thankful for her being my mother, and my best friend, and the one person who sees me in all the complex aspects of my being (and loves me anyway!)

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Gotta go now.

Alterations and Altercations

I haven't been able to post on my blog for so long. A lot has been going on in my life and it's hard to document all of it in this blog, so I go on to writing in my real diary.

Here's a quick run on what's been happening:

• Rochelle helped me get a job in UST as a Student Assistant for the freshman enrollment. I was tasked to guide the lost souls in their first time to enroll in college. I swear, a lot of parents are still having problems of letting their kids be independent. It's kinda sad, and tad bit annoying. Most of them may have reason to not fully trust their kids, but come on! There in college, for crying out loud!
• That job ended last Thursday and the next day I went to the Marikina Quarterly Job Fair at the Sports Complex. I went straight to the two call center companies there, had my interview, and went to check out on some other job choices. I would've like working in ACA Video Shop, since I love movies, but considering the minimum wage in that job...
• I went to One Global last Saturday. After a long wait I was told that I passed the assessment stage and my training would start Monday at exactly 6 AM. There would be a two-week training, in which I still wouldn't be getting allowance or the assurance that I am hired. I didn't go. I wasn't stupid. Besides, on that Monday was my scheduled interview for e-Telecare.
• I had to go all the way to Makati for e-Telecare, and I was late. I was scheduled for the 9 AM batch but had to wait for two hours to get my turn, because I didn't think the shuttle would be THAT late. Long story short, I got in there as well. Mahaba ang process ng application sa e-Telecare. After the initial interview ( which I had at the job fair) there would be the three exams, all about grammar and listening skills. Then another interview, then the role-play assessment. But I got through all that. The next day, they called me to go to Libis for my assessment in the Speedway account.
• I went to Libis and made a stupid mistake which cost me a few more hours of waiting. But everything went well, all the same. I was told to wait for the call again, which has yet to be done. Am still optimistic though.
• If I do get that job, I won't be enrolling this next semester. I've decided that it would be best for me to work and make way for my brother, who is starting college this year and taking up OT, which is pretty expensive.
• My not enrolling is starting to look like a good idea. A lot of altercations in my class had been making school extra unappealing.

Mom and I are in the rent shop here beside Meralco. I was supposed to go to UST today, for the EJ Evaluation exam. I'm not feeling like it.

A lot of alterations are being done with my life --- it happened before nine years ago officially yesterday --- the difference now is that I'm in control with them, and not anyone else.

***** HOLLYWOOD UPDATE *****

One of my all time favorite flicks is the movie adaptation of Nicholas Spark's "The Notebook". I've watched the movie a hundred, maybe even a thousand times, even if I have yet to even see the paperback copy. And I'm actually not looking for it. I love the movie version, not only because it's such a great romantic story. I love Rachel McAdams and I love Ryan Gosling. And I'm so happy that there might be a good chance that they're about to get married. Or they might be already... I can't get hold of any information at the moment, but I still love them.