Bad Girl

I guess its true, that when you do one bad thing, it would eventually become a hundred of bad things and you don't know how you had let it happen. I've never been a passive person --- its not in my genes --- but this week has proven how easy it is to become accustomed in doing really bad things, like lying.

First let's define lying. Lying is any form of hiding the truth or altering the truth. Sad to say, this is just what I did.

It all started last Friday, when I went to my Tita's house in Yacal to finish Ken's and Javi's projects in Lit. I've been known as the secret project maker all through highschool, and even if I didn't intend to continue such a "career" in college (so as to avoid being a hypocritical educator who won't allow cheating yet cheats others as well) but then again, desperate times call for desperate measure, right? So anyway, I was doing just that just so I can get it out of the way for good. I haven't done MY own project, which sucks since the deadline's fast approaching and I hate to cram.

I was fine with pressuring myself and all. I knew I'd be paid appropriately in the end, so it all seemed worth it. Then my tita approached me and told me about the money her twin brother, who is a teacher in New York, had sent for me and my younger brother. Now a thousand pesos may seem really pathetic to some people, but that's like a million to me, what with a hundred pesos I get a day, which is only enough for fare back and forth from Marikina to UST, and baon. So I had a thousand pesos on me, and finals was fast approaching.

The good thing about Finals Week is that I know after all the pain and hardships and caffeneited nights, I'd be enjoying the last day of Hell Week with my friends (who happen to be in another major, which is why I miss them very much.) The bad thing about it is that I'm always worried that mom won't be able to pay my tuition fee and therefore I won't be allowed to take the finals. That won't just be utter embarrasment --- it'd disregard all the other hardships I had to survive just so I can become a teacher.

And because of this fear, I decided to hide the money for awhile. Hide as in not use it OR tell mom about it, as my tita had so blatantly reminded me. She thinks mom spends too much...

Now, ask me how much is left of it. Php 400. I had used Php 600 in a week. See how thrifty I am? And I've used up all that money even if my mom, who remains oblivious of its existence to this day (and for the rest of her life, hopefully), was still giving me my baon every night and I continue to take it even if I knew she was really short of cash.

It's like I've become a nonstop sucking snake and it makes me cringe to see how greedy I've become.

As if that isn't bad enough, I've lied one too many times this week. Here's a list:

1. I lied about having to go home early and not going to the PE Practice for the Finals in Social Dance three times. I made up different alibis, except on Wednesday, when I truly planned to go but my brother had to be taken to the doctor.
2. I lied about being on the way home at 5PM yesterday. I was so excited to watch the Princess Hours DVD I got from Ken as his payment that I lost track of time. Mom was worried I haven't texted her, but because I didn't tell her about Ken asking me to make his project, I couldn't very well tell her the truth.
3. I lied about finishing my Lit project. I told Chelle and Via that it'd be really long and it is, but I haven't started typing it. I told mom I'm done with it so she won't think that I used my free time staying at Yacal for nothing, even if that's the truth.
4. I lied to Genay just now, about not being able to get her journal from our professor because I'm in the lib already, even if I was still on my way to the lib and could very well detour by the faculty room and ask. I could've given it to Chelle and she could give it to Gen.

With all these lies its not much of a surprise why I had a really big headache last night. And mom choose last night to rant about my not helping around the house, of all nights, so I'm not in a particular good mood today.

******

RANTING SESSION

I'm not really confrontational, mind you. But if I have a point and I know I'm right, I wouldn't just let you step on me. It's stupid of you, just because your the CLASS PRESIDENT to speak to us "smart people" and make us seem as if being "smart" is a negative thing. We don't control the passive people in the class, the same you can't control us from saying our insights. Leaders should know how to listen, since we've listened to you when you were speaking.

What I hate about it all is that you just had to make a scene! You just had to go to the lowest form of confronting a person: NAGPARINIG KA! It's so elementary!!!

I was actually waiting for you to cry, then I'd be able to prove to you that you're really being immature about things. Then I'd know I won. I had laid my points and if you don't agree, so be it.

It really annoys me that you said sorry and then went out to tell other people about it. It's so fake! What saddens me is that I actually agreed to your point. But because you were feeling inferior of us "smart people", you couldn't face me and tell me the things you wanted to tell, so you made that pathetic scene.

Remember: NOBODY CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. So I guess I should thank you, you've given me your consent to intimidate you...

******

I promise I'd be a good girl after this.